Instagram thwarts tradition


HALIFAX—A chant that has welcomed St. Mary’s University students for years has been banned because of an Instagram post.  In the video, a large group of male and female students can be seen smiling, clapping and shouting “Y is for your sister, O is for oh so tight, U is for underage, N is for no consent, G is for grab that ass”.

Asked what she thought of the ban, new student Karen Yu seemed confused. “The ban?  On the cheer we did?  Because it promotes underage, non-consensual sex?  I don’t remember anything like that.  We were just yelling about being young and it was fun!”

One person who doesn’t think the cheer spells fun is SMU president, Colin Dodds.  Speaking to reporters from his office, he said there will be an investigation and consequences. “We’ve ordered sensitivity training for the frosh week leaders and some members of the students’ union.” Dodds then hung his head and could be heard muttering, “This is even worse than the anti-integration poem I had to read at my swearing in.”

Third year marketing major Jason Waypole says university officials are overreacting.  “This cheer is tradition!  I think we just need to take a step back and think about the sentiment behind the words: We’re all here to get laid; equally and in a consensual and age-appropriate manner.”

Court records show the cheer began as a prank pulled by fourth year student Ian Aims during frosh week in 1958.  Incoming freshman Stephen Smalls was told that in order to gain access to the library, he would need to perform a rite of passage.  This included dressing as a woman and parading through the student centre while chanting about his youthful lust.  The stunt concluded when Smalls was taken to the Loyola residence showers and raped.  Aims was subsequently charged with aggravated sexual assault and spent six years in the Cumberland Correctional Facility in Amherst.

A procedure is already in place to ensure future cheers are innocuous. Submissions will need to be made ahead of frosh week and reviewed by a panel representative of all students.  Cheers this group deems acceptable will then be brought before a board made up of tenured professors.  Surviving cheers will be performed for Dodds and evaluated by no less than three minority students.  The final list of approved cheers will then be given to frosh week leaders.

Molly Donovan

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don’t hold that against me because I’m also Canadian.

Just think of me as the mole.

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