WASHINGTON—Earlier today, 20 year old Jeff Ranson expressed his desire for real change by voting for Hawaiian pizza over Pepperoni.
“Some say voting doesn’t matter,” admitted Jeff. “But people in Syria are dying for the right to stuffed crust.”
Today’s vote on which pizza to order is being called the most important since the 2011 referendum on which burgers to grill.
Jeff’s roommate Tim Wazill argued, “Nothing will change as long as Domino’s is lobbied by people like Edgar [their landlord, who paid for the pizza].”
“Besides, Jeff doesn’t even know what Hawaiian pizza’s platform is, he’s just into surfing.”
The deal came with two sauces, and after his friend ordered garlic, Jeff was forced to choose ranch, as he is “firmly against same-sauce marriage.”
At press time, anchovies are desperately pretending that they have any real shot of being elected.