Mooseclean’s investigation: Target’s targeted failure


Target Canada’s ship is sinking and although a few captains went down too, Operation Barbarossa 2 has nearly reached its objective.

Documents were leaked to the Mooseclean’s offices which lay out Target Corp’s master business plan north of the border.

The marketing project launched in 2013 saw more than 100 locations open across Canada, only to see them all close two years later. It’s unknown why Target titled the plan as a sequel to the largest bloodshed in human history.

The business practice works counterintuitively. While Target’s pullout will cost around $500 million, after reporting losses of $2 billion, those numbers pale to the revenues generated. Profiting in this manner isn’t straightforward however. In processing Target’s corporate tax form, Revenue Canada will observe that a ten-figure number was lost, while larger earnings will go undetected through international accounts.

Although $1 billion was lost last year alone, operational spending generated more than $640 billion in cashflow, which earned Target $47 million in interest from one offshore account alone.

Since Target’s northern investment was spent primarily in hard money – purchased assets of real property – their Canadian credit rating was increased significantly, allowing them to borrow larger amounts of money, for longer periods of time, and at cheaper interest rates.

Despite the perceived failure of their leave, Target’s credit score was strengthened to AA. Furthermore, the money spent exiting Canada is expected to increase it to AAA – which will accomplish the second objective of Operation Barbarossa 2.

The $2 billion in reported losses was nearly covered before any money was even spent on Operation Barbarosa 2. Within a month of Target’s initial announcement of its launch into Canada, the market capital of NYSE: TGT (Target’s stock market abbreviation) rose by around $1.6 billion.

So, while shareholders were slightly ripped off, and more than 17,000 minimum wagers will become equally as poor once they go on EI, those misfortunes were accounted for, and Operation Barbarosa 2 was a complete success.

But no matter how savvy Target’s business practices may seem, the big winner was Zellers. Two years ago, the Canadian company was sold to Target in a legitimate deal, and profit was achieved without creating a slimy business plan.

Dan Walton

Dan Walton

Between Draxel's apartment, a supervised injection site, and the free Internet here at the library, I get a lot done every week. Just today I clipped my nails and brushed my teeth. And I can run really fast even though I only eat once each day. When I lived with my parents, I would make Kool-aid, and I put a lot more sugar in the pitcher than the package called for. That was then. Now I can't even think about drinking it because I don't have sugar or a pitcher. And where am I gonna get enough water to make a whole jug of Kool-aid? Plus if I did make Kool-aid, who's gonna let me keep it in their fridge?

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