LOCAL—After postponing the trivial duty of washing the dishes and cookwear used to prepare the last several meals, Bilson Drive roommates Terry, Jordan, and Martin felt passively confronted by Lisa when they came home Wednesday to a clean sink.

“Who does she think she is?” asked Jordan, who had plans to do his dishes before the weekend. “Christ – she put the little spoons in the slot for big spoons.”

Terry’s favourite mug, seen drying upside down, he felt had to be rewashed. Adding to the frustration, a frying pan that has solidified bacon fat was also returned to its original clean state, and Terry had planned to reuse the swine grease to cook hash browns.

The brunt of the attack was felt by Martin, who favoured one particular steak knife that he used to clean his bong; now it’s mixed in with all the other cutlery.

“It’s going to be like playing Russian Roulette every time I need a knife,” he said, “but instead of getting shot in the head I’ll be eating bong tar.”

As a result of the unwanted touching of dishes, an impromptu meeting was held between the victimized roommates.

Because Lisa’s actions in the sink were perceived as passive aggression, her housemates agreed that confrontation was not necessary.

An amendment by Martin to empty Lisa’s toothpaste and shampoo bottle was seconded by Terry, who expects that the result will “show her who’s in charge.”

When reached for comment, Lisa admitted to Mooseclean’s that she had in fact washed her roommates dishes without permission, but made clear her lack of remorse.

“I forgot to tell them that my friend from out of town was staying the night, so I didn’t mind taking care of all the cleaning.”

The situation nearly escalated, but fortunately for Lisa, neither Terry, Jordan, or Martin failed to notice her cleaning of the bathroom and backyard patio.

“This place feels twice as big when it’s clean,” she pleaded.

Lisa was already on her last straw after “ruining the smell” of the laundry room when she left a box of dryer sheets near the detergent. But because she was the only tenant to produce her rent money by press deadline, which was four days into the month, her male counterparts decided to “let this one slide.”

The visiting friend of Lisa enjoyed her stay at the Bilson Drive residence, but caused animosity between the other housemates, after having sex with only Martin and not Terry or Jordan.

By Dan Walton

Between Draxel's apartment, a supervised injection site, and the free Internet here at the library, I get a lot done every week. Just today I clipped my nails and brushed my teeth. And I can run really fast even though I only eat once each day. When I lived with my parents, I would make Kool-aid, and I put a lot more sugar in the pitcher than the package called for. That was then. Now I can't even think about drinking it because I don't have sugar or a pitcher. And where am I gonna get enough water to make a whole jug of Kool-aid? Plus if I did make Kool-aid, who's gonna let me keep it in their fridge?

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