OTTAWA—Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, it’s a kink. Liberal MP William Amos has again been caught with his pants down. Last month, Amos appeared nude during a parliament virtual question period. Yesterday, there was an encore performance.

“Bill! You’re doing it again!” shouted NDP MP Merit Stiles. “Keep it in your pants!”

Amos has since apologized for his repeat behaviour. In a Twitter statement late last night, he explained that during a House of Commons proceeding, he urinated without realizing he was on camera. Amos went on to say that he was stepping away from some of his duties to seek help.

“Admitting you have a problem is the first step,” said psychologist Tim Andrews. “Let’s be be honest—William Amos has big dick energy, and that needs to be addressed. He gets repeatedly caught, supposedly unaware, in compromising positions. Then he’s further excited by issuing an apology, allowing him to relive the incident. Without intervention, this will continue to happen.”

Members of the House were willing to let the first episode slide, but are now realizing there may be a bigger issue. A government employee who wishes to remain anonymous told Mooseclean’s: “I walked into his office one day to empty the garbage and he had his back to the door with his pants around his ankles. When I gasped, he calmly turned around and said, ‘Oh. I didn’t see you there.’ Then he proceeded to slowly pull up his trousers while maintaining eye contact.”

Carla from the Kink Shack in Ottawa says Amos should embrace his urges. “We’re trying to contact him about doing some ads,” she said. “We’re happy to give him the exposure he’s craving!”

With Canadians and their representatives fearing a three-peat, most are relieved Amos will be out of the spotlight for the time being. Zoom calls can once again return to mundane discussions of appropriation bills and other legislation.

By Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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