CALGARY—Parents Shareem and Todd Wilson remain deadlocked in a debate over what their child should be for Halloween. The pressure to balance edgy with cute in a way that will attract the right kind of jealous attention has caused a rift in the house.

“Obviously, Tyler has to be something avant-garde but not too obscure,” said Shareem. “People need to recognize the character, but also be impressed by its originality.”

Todd agrees that they need their three-year-old to own the holiday. But he and his wife can’t agree on the costume.

“If Tyler goes as Steve Harrington from Stranger Things, it’s a win-win,” argued Todd. “He references a show that all the cool parents from play group have seen and he also looks adorable in a sailor outfit. Done.”

“Lame,” countered Shareem. “It’s Halloween. He needs a scary costume. Can you imagine him knocking on the neighbour’s door wearing a red jumpsuit and white mask?”

Tyler asked to go as a clown or a cowboy. Shareem offered to make him an It costume but Tyler cried when he saw a picture of Pennywise. Todd tried showing his son Lil Nas X videos, which only made the toddler run around the living room neighing like a horse.

“At least we have our costumes figured out,” said Shareem. “Todd is going trick-or-treating with Tyler as Chief Hopper because he has the body and the hairline. I’ll be at home handing out candy as Lizzo so I can say I’m one-hundred per cent that bitch to anyone who asks.”

“At least that’s something we can agree on,” said Todd. “Don’t use that.”

By Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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