BRANTFORD, ON—Local parents were outraged after finding slips of paper containing harsh life truths amongst their children’s Halloween candy. It turns out that local realist Ralph Baun, 39, chose not to indulge children’s sweet tooth, but to instead divulge a bittersweet truth.
Most of them are your usual snack sized facts, such as “Dreams don’t come true”. However, kids with really impressive costumes received “King-Sized” Facts, ranging from “Santa isn’t real” to “Puppies can suffer depression.”
One father was outraged after his son Timmy received a slip of paper informing him that he was adopted. “We had been waiting to write it on his birthday cake when he turns 10”, he explained with a sigh.
In Baun’s defense, he was dressed as a late night Wikipedia session.
At press time, many parents wish the candies had just contained poison.