OXFORD, England — In an unexpected and theatrical twist befitting the Bard himself, a direct descendant of William Shakespeare has made headlines by physically confronting the CEO of Oxford University Press (OUP) over the inclusion of slang and trendy words in the Oxford English Dictionary (OED). The altercation occurred at a literary event on Wednesday, leaving attendees both shocked and amused.
Duncan Shakespeare, a 12th-generation descendant of the illustrious playwright, attended the event to voice his displeasure with the latest edition of the OED, which he claims has strayed too far from its noble linguistic roots. His grievances culminated in a dramatic showdown with Nigel Portwood, CEO of OUP.
“I couldn’t stand idly by while the legacy of our great language was sullied with words like ‘selfie’ and ‘bae,'” Duncan Shakespeare declared after the incident. “My ancestor penned the greatest works in the English language, and now we’re including ‘twerk’ in the dictionary? This is madness!”
Eyewitnesses recount that the confrontation escalated quickly. “It was like watching a scene from a Shakespearean play,” said attendee Margaret Wilkins. “Duncan approached Nigel with an air of gravitas, then suddenly, without warning, delivered a swift kick to the groin. The whole room gasped.”
Portwood, who was addressing the audience about the evolution of the English language, was reportedly caught off guard by the attack. “He was in the middle of explaining the inclusion of ‘mansplaining’ when it happened,” said John Davies, an OUP editor. “One moment he was standing tall, the next he was doubled over in pain.”
Security quickly intervened, escorting a visibly irate Duncan from the venue. Portwood, after recovering, addressed the audience with commendable composure. “While I understand the passion for preserving the integrity of the English language,” he said, wincing slightly, “physical violence is hardly the way to resolve such disputes.”
The incident has sparked a lively debate among linguists, writers, and the general public. “Language is always evolving,” noted Dr. Emily Turner, a professor of linguistics at the University of Oxford. “The inclusion of modern slang in the OED reflects the dynamic nature of English. However, it’s clear that this evolution is not without its critics.”
Social media erupted with reactions, many applauding Duncan’s dramatic stand. “#BardJustice” quickly trended on Mastodon, with users expressing support for his cause. “Finally, someone standing up for the purity of the English language!” tweeted @ClassicLitFan.
Others, however, condemned the act of violence. “Physical assault over dictionary entries? This is taking literary criticism way too far,” posted @ModernWordsMatter.
Despite the controversy, OUP stands by its decision to include contemporary slang and trendy words in the OED. “Our mission is to document the living language,” said Portwood in a follow-up statement. “Words like ‘selfie’ and ‘twerk’ are part of everyday vernacular and deserve recognition. Language is democratic, and our dictionary reflects that.”
As for Duncan Shakespeare, he remains unrepentant. “I did what I had to do,” he told reporters outside the event. “If we don’t stand up for the sanctity of our language, who will? As my ancestor wrote, ‘I am not bound to please thee with my answers.'”