Sochi Olympics to be shot on dash cams

SOCHI, RUSSIA—The Olympic Broadcasting Services announced today that the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi will be broadcast via dashboard-mounted cameras.  Known formally as “videoregistrators”, the ubiquitous cameras are poised to catch all the action between February 7 and 23 next year.

Motorist Anton Dobrolyubov  said he and his fellow Russians are thrilled.  “This gives Russians opportunity to be part of Olympics.  Our car crashes have millions of hits on Internet.   Now we have chance to be known for something more than road rage and Chelyabinsk meteor.”

The cameras, made popular as a way to combat insurance scams, are both cheap and reliable.  For about $300, a Russian driver can both protect their automotive investment and become part of televised Olympic history.

In Canada and the U.S., broadcasters have voiced concerns over a potential lack of quality footage. CBC spokesperson Janet Wane lamented, “We all love to see the crazy near misses and legendary fights caught on Russian dash cams. But can these cameras, and quite frankly such bad drivers, really be relied upon to cover the greatest sports competition in the world?”

The head of NBC television distribution, Rob Comrie, expressed further worries.  “I’ll admit that these cameras may tell stories that a conventional camera set-up would miss.  We’ll for sure see some intimate moments with fans and athletes.  However, we at NBC are also concerned about the amount of censorship we’ll need to apply.” Comrie says NBC will hire extra technicians and have a five-second delay on live events to counter “the inevitable drunken Russians and their antics”.

This arrangement was made possible in part by a generous Stolichnaya Vodka sponsorship. Every car registered to contribute to Olympic coverage will receive a case of the fabled homeland brew, plus a logo to be positioned prominently on the car’s windshield.  Sochi resident Valentina Yeltsov summed up the deal: “Vodka good.  Dash cam good.  Go Russia Olympics!”

Molly Donovan

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don’t hold that against me because I’m also Canadian.

Just think of me as the mole.

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