Bergen favours removing long-gun registry, continued prohibition

CORNWALL—Conservative MP for Portage-Lisgar (Manitoba) and Minister of State for Social Development Candace Bergen, met in the Cornwall Legion for the local Conservative Association fall breakfast.

Originally scheduled for the more up-scale Best Western Lodge and Conference centre it had to be moved when the association president pointed out that, “All our boys are at the Legion anyway and most are still sleeping it off in the Legion chairs on Saturday morning.”

The meeting got off to a great start with a speech using the now common “Back in Time” strategy which combines the benefits of warm nostalgia with capitalizing on the failing memories of the target audience. Bergen began with a lengthy dissertation on issues with the long-gun registry. The outrage stirred the Legion Conservatives to a near fever pitch — three woke up and one asked to be excused to the men’s room.

Unfortunately, during the Q&A one person unauthorized to be present, a recently immigrated Filipino janitor, innocently stated that he had heard the long-gun registry was legislated out of existence long ago. Minister Bergen replied “I have been perfectly clear on that issue — there WILL be pizza for brunch” and called a brief recess. Unconfirmed reports have her placed at the back of the Legion on her cell phone “just touching base” with Minister of Citizenship and Immigration Chris Alexander.

Thrown slightly off kilter at not being able to deliver the same speech a randomly selected Conservative MP has given the Cornwall Conservative’s every fall breakfast since their inception, she resorted to the faithful standby — Down with Trudeau, Up with Prohibition.

Ms. Bergen made a compelling case for non-legalization and continued prohibition on the production and use of marijuana. She pointed out to those present, many of whom nodded in agreement from personal experience, at the many benefits of Prohibition. The speak-easy kept alcohol away from children, allowed an important industry to flourish in troubled times, and provided an extremely stable and reliable flow of funding to the party and MPs. Likewise for the prohibition on marijuana in this century.

The members in attendance many of whom, during honourable military service had been stationed in or travelled to the Far East, Middle East and Northern Europe agreed that the use of marijuana was detestable and swore that they had never used it or even if they had, it was only while they were in a stupor on hashish or opium.

amiableCDN

Mooseclean's Researcher and occasional story contributor.

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