In another of our continuing series of interviews with the common man, or woman, Mooseclean’s approached a lady preparing to shop for groceries at her local Loblaws.

Mooseclean’s: Hi there! Congratulations! When’s the baby due?

Woman: What?

M’s: When’s the baby due? I hate to pry, but I noticed that you’ve parked in the Expectant Mother’s parking stall and I love babies.

W: Oh, you think you’re smart, do you?

M’s: Well I guess I’ve done alright. I’ve got a good mix of academic degrees and life experience. So, have you picked out a name yet?

W: A name?

M’s: Sure, for the baby. And how many weeks along are you? You’re not showing, so I’m guessing two, maybe three weeks pregnant?

W: Get lost. I don’t care what the sign says, I’ll park where I want.

M’s: Really? So you’re a diplomat? I don’t see the red plate on your car. Is your husband the diplomat? Which embassy?

W: I’m not a diplomat, I just don’t believe I should need to leave the spot open when I’m here now and I want to use it.

M’s: Interesting. So do you park in handicapped spots, too?

W: Of course not. That’s just wrong.

M’s: But it’s not wrong to take a spot that a pregnant lady might need?

W: Sure, it’s their own fault, plus, the police might ticket me.

M’s: So you’re afraid of fines, but women who are pregnant deserve to walk the same distance as anyone else, and you can tell the difference between someone who is handicapped through no fault of their own and someone who broke their back after drinking and driving? You’re special.

W: I am.

M’s: Can I be special, too?

W: No. Leave me alone.

M’s: I’ve always wanted to be one of those people for whom signs and rules didn’t apply, especially when I’m late for work and the HOV lane is open.

W: No! Go away, asshole.

M’s: It’s kind of unfair. Are you sure that the Loblaws mall cop wouldn’t ticket you if I reported you?

W: Where is your car parked?

M’s: Like I’d tell you. I think we already established that I was intelligent.

W: Go fuck yourself.

M’s: I might do that. While experienced in that area, too, I’m actually one of the best I’ve ever had. Not to brag, but I really rock my world.

W: Fucking asshole!

M’s: Goodbye! And have a super day! But then I guess each day, all day is all about you, isn’t it?

W: [unintelligible cursing]

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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