Photo: k.ivoutin (flickr)

Thirty years after its release as the fourth single from his album Born in the U.S.A, The Boss is still tops with child molesters and kiddie pornographers, according to new numbers from the recording industry.

Springsteen’s lyrics still resonate a peculiar chord in the lowest of the low, which you might surmise from the opening lines:

Hey little girl is your daddy home?
Did he go away and leave you all alone?
I got a bad desire
I’m on fire

Tell me now baby is he good to you?
Can he do to you the things that I do?
I can take you higher
I’m on fire

Rounding out the Top 20 is a Who’s-Who of pop-pedo success:

  1. “I’m on Fire” – Bruce Springsteen
  2. “Expose Yourself to Kids” – GG Allin
  3. “Good Morning Little Schoolgirl” and “Little Girls” (tie) by Oingo Boingo
  4. “Thank Heaven for Little Girls” – Maurice Chevalier
  5. “Don’t Let Daddy Kiss Me” – Motörhead
  6. “Sweet Caroline” – Neil Diamond
  7. “Question Of Time” – Depeche Mode
  8. “Squealer” – AC/DC
  9. “Sweet Little Sixteen” – Chuck Berry
  10. “Francine” – ZZ Top
  11. “Hot Child in the City” – Nick Gilder
  12. “Jailbait” – Motörhead
  13. “Christine Sixteen” – KISS
  14. “Alabama Song” – The Doors
  15. “When I Grow Up” – The Pussycat Dolls
  16. “Daddy” – KoRN
  17. “Jonestown Tea” – Otep
  18. “Birthday Girl” – The Roots
  19. “Stray Cat Blues” – The Rolling Stones
  20. “Only Sixteen” – Sam Cooke

Not charting in the Top 20 but also receiving dishonourable mentions were “Baby Raper” by Gwar and “anything by Gary Glitter, Pete Townsend, or Michael Jackson.”

Frank Reynolds, spokesman for the North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) dismissed the validity of the list, calling it “slanted” and “too girlie”.

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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