Trump and Kim Jong-un Argue Over Remaining Horsemen of the Apocalypse

WORLD—After taunting each other publicly over North Korean missile tests, world leaders Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un have a new beef. They can’t agree who should sit astride the third and fourth horses of the Apocalypse.

“Obviously,” said Mr. Trump, “I will ride the first horse. The lead horse. The white horse.” According to the Book of Revelation, The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse signal the end of times. The first horse has a rider believed to be the Antichrist, with the authority to conquer all who oppose him. “Plus, he has a crown,” beamed Mr. Trump.

The second horseman enters atop a red horse, compelling Mr. Kim to call dibs. “The horse is red, like the strongest colour of the North Korean flag and the colour of Communism,” said Mr. Kim. “He is the war horseman. I bet he has lots of nuclear weapons.”

With the two leaders having declared their preferences on social media, they consider the positions to be claimed. Although they seem to respect each other’s choices, there is heated debate about who should ride the third and fourth horses, symbolizing famine and death.

“First of all,” declared Mr. Trump, “everybody knows the white horse is the best horse. It doesn’t really matter who comes after the first horse. I think we should just fire the other horsemen.”

Mr. Kim feels differently. “If Trump doesn’t want the last two horses, I’ll take them. I have family who can ride the horses.”

Saturday Night Live has had to delay casting and rehearsals until the leaders make a decision.

Molly Donovan

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don’t hold that against me because I’m also Canadian.

Just think of me as the mole.

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