Photo: Montage Communications, flickr.

Myriad, the company that created a firestorm of anger with its patent of the mutated BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes associated with cancer, now owns the patents to your koochie or baloney pony and dangleberries.

“U.S. Supreme Court rulings have set a clear precedent for what can be patented under the U.S. Patent Act,” explains Ronald L. Barr, Myriad’s legal counsel. “In particular, the definition created in Diamond v. Chakrabarty is ‘anything under the sun that is made by man.’ We think genitals definitely qualify.”

If successful in their legal defence of this patent, Myriad will have the right to exclude others from making, using, selling, or importing genitals for a period of time, usually 20 years. This could mean that Myriad will be owed a royalty whenever you have sex, conceive and bear a child, masturbate, or even if you intend to bring your genitals with you on vacation to international destinations.

Pornographers are also deeply concerned by the repercussions of the announcement. Hugh Hefner told Mooseclean’s that Playboy will counter any litigation by Myriad using a “prior art” defence.

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. You can follow him on Twitter @SebPanache, except he quit posting there after Elon bought it. Search for Mooseclean's on Mastodon instead.

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