Voters Re-elect Candidate for Umpteenth Term for Lack of Compelling Reason Not To

It is often said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. South-end residents have done just that, electing Diana Dietrich to a seventh term as city councillor.

While the majority of her constituents we polled agreed that she was aloof, unapproachable, and had contributed little⸺if anything⸺to the community since her second or third terms in office, most also expressed they were content it was preferable to the alternative.

“She’s either clueless or unethical, I guess, freely mixing her personal life and professional work on public time while using city resources. Most recently, she used her official email account to beg constituents to donate to some charity she supported, and she was pretty uppity with me when I called her out on it,” Dwight Dempko observed, “but then again she hasn’t wasted nearly as much budget money on sports tickets and fundraiser dinners than the other councillors have.”

“I’d say she’s a lifer, a time waster, a diddler, a twiddler, a narcissist, a self-righteous hypocrite, and a shrew,” Alfred Halliday added. “But the guy running against her with the best chance to win is a Grade A moron who can’t keep it in his pants. Can’t have that.”

A handful of constituents were more positive.

“Yeah, she’s probably been a bit unproductive these last 16 years or so, but I have faith,” Doris Stauffer said. “If we just keep giving her another chance, eventually she’ll do the right thing by us.”

But ultimately, most didn’t care.

“I’d seen some literature at the door and knew that some candidates detailed their platform on their websites and saw that the local news has even featured some of them, but to be honest I’m kind of busy and didn’t actually make it out to the poll this year,” said just about everyone else, except for the people that outright refused to talk to us.

Sebastian Panache

Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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