In a bid to resolve a bitter feud which has persisted for generations, whites and blacks are in tense negotiations over the rightful division of key cultural communal properties, primarily music and professional sports.

Lewis Schwartz, speaking on behalf of blue-eyed blues musicians everywhere, said. “It ain’t like no white man never lost his job, or his woman, or his damn mind. If we give up blues they gonna have to pass us our damn ball back!”

An initial counter-offer, where the Black Coalition agreed to waive all association with classical music and promise that Professional Golfers Association dominance would remain limited to the Tiger Woods dynasty, was flatly rejected.

“It’s not our fault we’re beating them at their own game,” observed Chauncey Watkins, a representative for all blacks everywhere. “If they’re truly serious about negotiating our exit from professional basketball, we’ll also need to have a frank conversation about their unwarranted intrusion into rap and hip hop.”

At press time, Schwartz had added the return of twerking, Harlem Shake and dreads, plus a public renouncement of ska, to the Blues offer from the White Coalition, in return for a promise from Watkins that blacks would also leave the National Football League and cease further invasion of professional hockey.

Photo credit: David Ohmer (flickr)

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By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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