World Cup 2014 is over

Mexico’s team: Still contenders for the World Cup, like it even means anything anymore
Photo: Celso Flores, flickr. 

EARTH—For all intents and purposes, the World Cup is over, or so it seems for many who are FIFA-obsessed.  With favorites Italy and England out and defending 2010 champs Spain gone, the tournament has been declared a farce.

Mirroring the downfall of eliminated teams, souvenirs bearing their logos have  been deeply discounted.  Spain’s away jersey that once sold for $89.99 at the FIFA online store now goes for a mere $59.99.  Three Lions mugs, hats and tee-shirts sit in undisturbed piles at the London sports store Breakaway.

“Why would I want to be reminded every morning  that we were out after just two matches?  I’d rather drink my coffee in peace,” said Londoner Chip White.  “And I refuse to wear that cursed jersey, even if it is half price!”

It seems all of England is in a deep depression. The government noted that sick days shot up 20% nationally after the team bid farewell to the hope of becoming champions.

Perhaps even more disappointed than English fans are those backing Italy.  After losing to Costa Rica, Gli Azzurri  was in a must-win situation against Uruguay .  But Uruguay took a bite out of Italy.  Literally.  If the marks on Cheiellini’s shoulder and the soreness of Suarez’s mouth add up, that is.

“This is the worst day of my life,” declared Italian fan Benito Priolo.  “The World Cup trophy is like a beautiful woman that we cannot hold.”

So what’s a soccer fan to do?  Put away the face paint and crazy hats?  Roll up the flag and turn off the tv?  Cheer for the Netherlands???  Not unless you have an entirely orange wardrobe.

It’s a sad day in football.  Just like the caxirola, Italy has been banned from appearing in FIFA World Cup venues.  Arrivederci, soccer fans.

Molly Donovan

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don’t hold that against me because I’m also Canadian.

Just think of me as the mole.

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