Bad mix of drugs costs man his boner

After convincing a pretty woman he met at the Penguin and Firckin Pub to spend the night at his place, 29-year-old Mark Bayston was unsuccessful in penetrating her reproductive organs with a chemically-induced flaccid penis.

“Do you want me to just eat you out for a bit or are you good?” he offered, in lieu of pelvic thrusting.

Hopefully she’ll still want to bang in the morning Bayston thought, failing to account for how unattractive, irritable, and uncomfortable they’ll both feel while coming down from drugs.

In preparation for a night of dancing to electronic music, Bayston pondered, he felt a mix of MDMA and ketamine would proactively supplement an excessive consumption of vodka. While he hit a few high notes over the course of the evening, Bayston ultimately regretted consuming more drugs than his penis could handle

Next time I should pre-drink before I rail any M – or maybe buy some of the fake Viagra they have in the bathroom condom machines, he concluded in a post-coital examination.

Although Bayston failed to practice his reproductive techniques, he was able to use memories of the girl’s naked body to aid in masturbation.

Dan Walton

Dan Walton

Between Draxel’s apartment, a supervised injection site, and the free Internet here at the library, I get a lot done every week. Just today I clipped my nails and brushed my teeth. And I can run really fast even though I only eat once each day.
When I lived with my parents, I would make Kool-aid, and I put a lot more sugar in the pitcher than the package called for. That was then. Now I can’t even think about drinking it because I don’t have sugar or a pitcher. And where am I gonna get enough water to make a whole jug of Kool-aid? Plus if I did make Kool-aid, who’s gonna let me keep it in their fridge?

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