Photo: Koennz (CC-BY 2.0) TORONTO—Prince Harry was in Toronto on Monday to launch pet project Invictus Games, which will take place in the city next year. The trip, however, was not all business.
Photo: Alex Guibord, flickr (CC BY 2.0) Despite a recent warning from Canada’s toke-friendly prime minister that marijuana will continue to be illegal in this country until a strong regulatory framework is created, pot users and dealers nationwide are declining… Continue Reading
After convincing a pretty woman he met at the Penguin and Firckin Pub to spend the night at his place, 29-year-old Mark Bayston was unsuccessful in penetrating her reproductive organs with a chemically-induced flaccid penis.
Justin Trudeau announced his intention to open more supervised injection sites across Canada earlier last month to encourage and support heroin addicts to keep using the highly addictive, illegal and life-destroying drug.
Sgt. Jeff Mackelmoreal was out searching for a black SUV believed to be connected with the pedophile ring when he saw a suspicious young man with a backpack and dreadlocks walking down the street in an especially “relaxed and care-free manner”.
In adopting Uruguay’s new model of regulating the legal sale of recreational marijuana, the Middle Eastern nation of Syria has passed a bill which will allow the legal sale of the drug throughout the country.
“Not only will this add vibrancy to our unique tourism industry, but the legalization of cannabis will liberate our people against the arbitrary restriction against one of our God’s earthly creations,” said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
LOCAL—Citing several obvious references to illegal street drugs, A Cut Above butcher shop owner Alan Martin chose not to hire applicant Jeff Bothwell as a prep assistant.
CHICAGO—On Monday, Major League Baseball handed out the longest suspension ever for use of performance enhancing drugs (PED). A 211 game time-out was given to New York Yankee infielder, Alex Rodriguez.
TORONTO—In an unprecedented turn of events today regarding the alleged Rob Ford crack video, the Toronto Mayor revealed it’s all true, stating that he was just doing his civic duty in keeping dangerous drugs off the street by smoking all of them.
OTTAWA—In a survey conducted exclusively for Mooseclean’s, 25% of individuals polled would consider trading Ottawa’s counsellor-turned-mayor Jim Watson for Toronto’s hoodlum-turned-mayor Rob “F-ing” Ford.
Some respondents agreed to provide comments for this article in return for anonymity; others did not specify. In a calculated and completely unapologetic attempt to create controversy and boost readership, we’ve elected to publish quotes obtained from the latter group.