Stephen Harper’s Twelve Days of Christmas

with inspiration from
Sharon Dunn

permission is cheerfully given to sing this at your office party, local pub, or other holiday gathering

On the first day of Christmas
The PM gave to me
Some muzzles for his own MPs

On the second day of Christmas
The PM gave to me
Two signed Hockey Books, and
A mêlée with the CBC

On the third day of Christmas
The PM gave to me
Three Calandra answers
Two signed Hockey Books, and
An Action Plan ad marquee

On the fourth day of Christmas
The PM gave to me
Four fabrications
Three Calandra folktales
Two signed Hockey Books, and
3 billion dollars, absentee

On the fifth day of Christmas
The PM gave to me
F – 35s ? ? ?
“Fly before you buy”
Three Calandra legends
Two signed Hockey Books, and
A prorogation for the MPs

On the sixth day of Christmas
The PM gave to me
Six bitching benchers
Five “I decline…”
Four blatant lies
Three Calandra theories
Two signed Hockey Books, and
A deficit from sea to sea

On the seventh day of Christmas
The PM gave to me
Seven cancelled programs
Six more deserters
Five “There’s no way…”
Four prevarications
Three Calandra memories
Two signed Hockey Books, and
Some gags for climate science geeks

On the eighth day of Christmas
The PM gave to me
Eight patronage hirings
Seven senate scandals
Six benchers schemeing
Five “Who can say?”
Four inventive falsehoods
Three Calandra stories
Two signed Hockey Books, and
The phone book of Irwin C.

On the ninth day of Christmas
The PM gave to me
Nine robots calling
Eight Maritimeouts
Seven budgets shrinking
Six disloyal peons
Five “It’s not clear”
Four massive fibs
Three Calandra jumbles
Two signed Hockey Books, and
Some O.J. from Bev Oda’s spree

On the tenth day of Christmas
The PM gave to me
Ten tough-on-crime bills
Ninety robots calling
Eight First Nations pushbacks
Seven departments crumbling
Six rabble rousers
Five “I don’t know”
Four false allegations
Three Calandra mumbles
Two signed Hockey Books, and
An ethics talk from Paradis

On the eleventh day of Christmas
The PM gave to me
Eleven Allies spying
Ten tough-on-crime bills
Nine hundred robots calling
Eight detainee tortures
Seven fewer programs
Six stinking traitors
Five “No way, Joe”
Four lame excuses
Three Calandra fables
Two signed Hockey Books, and
A ‘copter ride for MacKay, free

On the twelfth day of Christmas
The PM gave to me
Twelve Perrin emails
Eleven Allies spying
Ten tough-on-crime bills
Nine thousand robots calling
G8 Gazebos
Seven rounds of layoffs
Six ratfaced scumbags
“I don’t recall”
Four creative fictions
Three Calandra blathers
Two signed Hockey Books,
AND A BLANK CHEQUE FOR MIKE DUUUU-UFF-YYYYYYY


With thanks to HarperWatch for the inpiring scandal coverage!

A Great Game by Stephen J. Harper is still available in paperback. Support needy Canadian writers and buy two copies today!

Sebastian Panache

Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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