KAMLOOPS, B.C.—Amy Parsons was hosting her monthly book club Sunday night when discussion and laughter devolved into insults and fisticuffs.

“I’m not really sure how it happened.  One minute, we were talking about the book Fight Club, and the next…” Parsons trailed off, dabbing at her bloody knee.

The official police report states that Kamloops RCMP received a noise complaint at 10:35pm.  A neighbor of Miss Parsons reported loud yelling and the sound of breaking glass coming from the house at 327 Rolling Crescent.  Although one car with two officers was initially deployed, three more cars and an ambulance were eventually called in.

“They were crazy!  Like animals!” said Constable Gregory Evans. “When my wife hosts the book club, it usually means food and gossip and sometimes they talk about what they’re reading.  But this house looked like a bar brawl in suburbia.”  Evans leafed through pictures from the scene showing broken wine bottles, clumps of blonde hair and blood-smeared copies of the club’s featured Chuck Palahniuk book. Injuries ranged from deep scratch wounds to a broken arm.

Guest Lisa Sala recalled the mayhem.  “It was like the book cast a spell over us.  We were talking about how the protagonist wanted to escape his white collar existence, and then someone drew a parallel to life as a stay-at-home mom.  After that, it was just on.  I remember Alexis knocked over Julia’s wine and grabbed her by the hair and pulled her into the middle of the room.  I had no idea Julia had such a strong right hook.”

Book club member Anna Barry declined to comment at all saying, “The first rule of book club is: You do not talk about book club.”

Neighborhood busybody Rosemary Blunt said she watched the whole thing unfold from her front window. “I could see through those sheer front curtains at the Parsons’ house.  Those women were throwing each other around like rag dolls.  And the noise! Plus, I saw two of them leave through the back door, holding hands.  Who knows what kind of smut they were reading?! One thing’s for sure: Oprah would not approve.”

By Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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