Fall is the gate to winter’s hell
CANADA—It’s late autumn in Canada and something sinister is afoot. Temperatures are dropping and soon a new season will be upon us. “I can’t believe this is happening again!” lamented…
Racist, xenophobic, sexual offender regrets decision not to run for President
‘MERICA—With the results of the election now confirmed, Eddie Farnsworth nervously plays with his toupée.
Man makes historic decision… votes Hawaiian over Pepperoni
WASHINGTON—Earlier today, 20 year old Jeff Ranson expressed his desire for real change by voting for Hawaiian pizza over Pepperoni. “Some say voting doesn’t matter,” admitted Jeff. “But people in…
Trumpelstiltskin identified as Patient Zero in Creepy Clown epidemic
U.S.A.—Since August, sightings of creepy clowns or “killer clowns” have been reported across the U.S., Canada and even in the U.K. Now, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention…
Health Canada approves ‘Season After the Morning After’ Pill
OTTAWA—Following positive, albeit controversial, results with its approval of non-prescription sales of the 72-hour ‘morning after’ pill (Levonorgestrel) and the 49-day ‘abortion pill’ (Mifegymiso), Health Canada has upped the ante.
Killer nurse to publish poetry collection
Elizabeth Tracy Mae Wettlaufer, accused of first-degree murder in the deaths of eight Ontario nursing-home wards, is poised to become a published author. According to trusted sources, several North American…