City of Toronto ‘a social experiment’, scientist admits
TORONTO—Even casual observers of the developments in Toronto over the years must at some time have thought, "Is this for real?" Now, we can definitely say, "No. It wasn't." Dr.…
Vic Toews to retire. Your reaction?
OTTAWA—Drunken, slurred reports were overheard at the Parliament Pub late Tuesday night (possibly early Wednesday morning) that pedophile basher and Minister of Public Safety Vic Toews, 60, will retire today,…
Man buys transit IDs, bus passes, for ‘stuff’
OTTAWA—“Most people think their stuff is more important than other peoples’ stuff,” says Sheldon Vestige. “In my case, it’s actually true.” Vestige, a product demonstrator and infamous public transit rights…
Racism fires Michael Richards, hires up-and-comer Paula Deen
After a tumultuous week, Racism finally announced that former Seinfeld star and long time spokesperson Michael Richards would be let go to make room for a fresh, new face.
Despite the passage of time, Voice of Fire still ‘an asshole’
In many ways, Voice of Fire is not unlike a childhood acquaintance. We grew up together. Barnett Newman’s progeny, birthed in time for Montreal’s Expo ’67, looked entirely alien to…
Air Canada now charging for emotional baggage
MONTREAL—Air Canada customers will now be put through an additional screening test to determine their current mental state, and that could spell more money out of your pocket.
Aspiring screenwriter has idea for film about an aspiring screenwriter
Barely able to contain his excitement to reporters, 35-year-old local aspiring screenwriter Josh Lay believes his film idea about an aspiring screenwriter is going to be the next Hollywood box-office…
Are LCBO employees too drunk to tweet?
TORONTO—After announcing a record breaking 4.9 billion dollar profit in alcohol sales, the Liquor Control Board of Ontario is at a bit of a loss to explain the rather underwhelming…
Toronto woman charged with throwing drink at Mayor, missing
TORONTO—Yes, here's yet another chapter in the sordid life of Rob Ford, which apparently you never tire of hearing about given the enormous number of reads and clickthroughs we recieve…
Sobeys saved on purchase of Safeway chain with Safeway card
with files from Lise Merle STELLARTON, Nova Scotia—In the grocery chain wars, East eats West. East coast Sobeys has purchased West coast Safeway's 213 stores, President and CEO Paul D.…