Feckless physician stunned by success of last-ditch veterinary venture


illustration by finklebottom

From the Mooseclean’s ‘Feelgood Files’, a story of triumph after adversity.

LOCAL—”I’ll admit it,” revealed Dr. Hamish Masdit. “I was one step away from being one of those cruise ship doctors, living free in international waters but hiding below deckplates during shoreleave.”

Hate mail, medical malpractice suits, office bomb threats, he’d seen it all and was about to quit, he reports. Until inspiration struck.

“I thought perhaps I had missed my calling,” he told us. “Then I thought: nonsense—I was born to be a doctor. It’s my patients who are wrong.”

It was then that he placed a call to the Canadian Veterinary Medical Association and inquired about the possibility of switching teams.

“It was a bit of a sales job,” Masdit explained. “They suggested I might be overqualified. I had to really downplay my knowledge to prove that I wasn’t. But it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be, particularly on the exam. When I just barely made a passing grade they were completely convinced.”

In retrospect, he says, he should have been a vet all along.

“I love animals. They don’t complain, they don’t second guess me, and they tell no tales from the O.R. My malpractice is down, my profits are up, and people think I’m some kind of miracle worker. Children draw me cards. Hot moms leave me phone numbers. Really, it’s everything I ever dreamed of as an intern.”

Sebastian Panache

Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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