Ford decrees that pie charts be made with real pie

It’ll be the new virtual reality of 3D presentations, except without the virtual part: Ford

Photo credit: Exercising Monsters

TORONTO—Citing confusion over his understanding of the amount of funding that the Province of Ontario would be contributing to Toronto’s subway extension into Scarborough, Mayor Rob Ford has introduced a new policy regulating future multimedia presentations.

“The people of Toronto know I’m a simple man,” Ford said. “I’m no scholar.  I’m no mathematician. But I have eaten many a pie in my day.  Numbers confuse me, but give me something I can hold in my hand and put in my mouth, and that’s something I can understand.”

And with a wave of his magic highlighter, the Mayor dismissed the use of pie charts in any proposals before city council, unless they are created using the genuine article.

“I like blueberry,” he continued, “and cherry is pretty damned tasty too. But no peach. It’s just too girly and it has no place in my chambers.”

The initiative takes effect immediately and is, for now, limited to select fruits.  Long term plans call for the introduction of meat pies, shepherd’s pie, and, of course, pizza.  But there is one other notable exception.

“No quiche,” Ford asserted.

Sebastian Panache

Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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