After the massive success of his autobiography ‘The Bible’, bestselling author God has set His sights on a new business venture; the business of love.

“The Bible opened up a lot of doors for me. People seemed to really dig it, and before you knew it I was a household name.” His Holiness explains. “But it’s been a few thousand years, it’s time for me to get back in the game and expand my online presence.”

The Exalted One goes on to reveal His reasoning for getting into the world of online social networking. “A lot of credit has to be given to my Son. He’s a young guy, much more in touch with the market trends.” He’s speaking of course of Jesus, who recently left the carpentry business for the high risk, high reward world of venture capitalism. “I didn’t really understand the whole Internet thing at first, but when he explained the lucrative financial structure behind the membership plans, I was more than happy to lend my name to the project.”

The Almighty leads a busy, omnipotent life and is pleased how this new business has eased some of His daily burdens. “Christian Mingle is just an easier system for me. Prayer requests rarely specify personal preferences, so this website helps me organize my children so I can continue to match them according to my will.”

The King of Kings isn’t stopping there. He and his Son have a few more ventures on the horizon, including a craft brewing company ‘Holy GrAle’. Described as a crisp, hoppy brew with a touch of salvation.

By Jay Milley

Lives in Toronto. Rugged indoorsman. Great with power cords. Follow on Twitter @jaymilley

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