Larry Anderson, 39, is a man in search of answers. Staring pensively out of the window of his blue Dodge Ram, his eyes search his surroundings for clues.

“I’m not a bad looking guy . . . especially for my age,” he muses. “I eat okay, I’m drinking less, and I cut out the smokes. So why aren’t they noticing me?”

His latest bid for attention—the installation of a pair of plastic, novelty truck nuts to his trailer hitch—met with dismal results.

“I don’t get it. I thought it would be a sign of my masculinity, a lot classier than the cum towels I see some guys hanging from their rear-view mirrors. But the chicks just seem to think it’s gross.”

Clearly despondent, Anderson is now at the point of considering desperate measures.

“Time to dig out my tuxedo-print T-shirt. I’ll need something fancy to wear if I gotta scope out babes at church this Sunday.”

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. You can follow him on Twitter @SebPanache, except he quit posting there after Elon bought it. Search for Mooseclean's on Mastodon instead.

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