Police File Photo: Moller’s alleged weapons cache. He is not considered a danger to himself or the public at this time.
Credit: (Cst.) Steenbergs, flickr. 

LOCAL—An area man who recently lost his job has survived starvation by eating a variety of things picked from his backyard, neighbours report.

Nathan Moller, former Chef of recently-closed restaurant Poncey & Git’s, had been unable to secure new employment at a similar, highbrow establishment. Locals became concerned when they learned that his refrigerator, cupboards and freezer had been depleted of stores.

“When I didn’t see him come by for three weeks, I feared the worst,” said Hollis N. Davis, an area supermarket manager.

Curious neighbours witnessed the man destroying the lawn behind his house and police were eventually called to investigate. “There’s no law against modifying your own property,” Constable Gloria Yarbrough told Mooseclean’s. “While I did find him in possession of a number of potential weapons—shovels, pitchforks, hoes, and trowels—they were legally obtained and he did not appear agitated.”

Friends of the man were not surprised by his ingenuity in surviving famine.

“I’ve personally witnessed Nathan create gourmet delights out of the most obscure combinations of fridge leftovers,” said Evelyn Keaton, who has known Moller for twelve years. “While I never thought of him as one of those survivalist types, he did make me a delightful dandelion soup once. I’ve no doubt he could locate other potentially edible plants in his backyard.”

Follow-up surveillance by police showed that straight rows of green plants have appeared in place of the lawn—evidence of intentional cultivation. Moller appears to be in good health, but regular monitoring will continue.

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. You can follow him on Twitter @SebPanache, except he quit posting there after Elon bought it. Search for Mooseclean's on Mastodon instead.

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