WASHINGTON, D.C.—After five months of living apart, the President of the United States and the first lady are now living apart in different places.
When elected, the Cheeto-in-Chief claimed he would split his time between New York and the nation’s capital, refusing to do anything in a traditionally Presidential way. Eventually, he conceded to make the White House his primary residence, while also spending as much time as possible at his various vacation properties. “I guess the White House will have to do,” he commented through press secretary Sean Spicer.
Melania’s refusal to live at the White House was seen as less selfish. She maintained it was best for her to stay in New York while her son, Barron, finished the school year. Last weekend, Melania finally bit the bullet and moved to ostensibly join her husband. “The Donald was in New Jersey, so I thought it was a good chance to make the trip and get settled,” she told an unnamed source.
With a string of private residences, palaces, apartments, resorts, retreats, vineyards, and mansions across the US, and the occasional trip abroad, Trump should be able to mostly avoid Melania and his son outside of high-profile obligations. “It’s the art of the deal,” Agent Orange explained. “Melania told me the deal was that she wouldn’t make me look bad in public as long as I stay away from her.”