No free lunch for hungry Torontonians


Photo: Wikimedia Commons

TORONTO—The ice storm that hit Toronto December 21st left a trail of destruction including broken trees, downed hydro lines and a widespread power outage.  It was also responsible for a lot of spoiled food.  This week, Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne promised $200,000 worth of food vouchers for people who lost the contents of their refrigerators.  It has been a generous gesture resulting in a call for the Liberal leader’s head.

“If I’d had any idea this scheme would make me look like a goat instead of a hero,” said Wynne, “I wouldn’t have bothered.”  The grocery cards were quickly snatched up at each location, leaving hundreds in line-ups with no hope for replacing lost food.

“This is a big loss for Wynne,” declared Ontario PC leader Tim Hudak.  “It’s just another example of Liberal waste.  I mean, how does your food go bad when your house is as cold as your refrigerator?”

Golden Mile resident Samuel Childs stood in line for three hours at the mall, hoping to get a $100 voucher for his family.  When he got to the head of the line, he was told the grocery cards were gone.  “This is outrageous!  I lost a gallon of milk and a bowl of week-old spaghetti when the power was out.  How am I supposed to replace that food now?”

Welder Joanne Simpson stood at the back of the line.  Mooseclean’s asked how the power cut had affected her food supply.  “Oh, I never lost power.  A friend texted me and said I could get a $50 food card if I showed up.”

There have been reports of hungry, disgruntled hordes once the vouchers are gone.  Police have been called in for crowd control in several instances, but angry citizens refuse to disperse.  Some workers from the Premier’s office have resorted to alternative give-aways.

“I have a gift card for Winners,” offered volunteer Jan Carlton, digging through her purse. “And…an unopened pack of gum.”  Her offerings were grabbed by those closest, but police were forced to pull Carlton to safety once her purse had been emptied.  “I don’t know what happened out there,” said Carlton, her glasses askew. “We were just trying to help the good people of Toronto.”

Premier Wynne has promised to follow through on the remainder of the vouchers.  “We know it’s going to be another day of turning away angry people, but what can I do?  I guess this is my cross to bear.  If you want to suckle from the government teat, better line up early.”

Molly Donovan

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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