Pope Francis has penned a church document entitled “The Joy of Love”, and devout Catholics are saying it reads like a letter to Penthouse.
Just as the Bible is open to interpretation, so is this document. The Pope is encouraging Catholics to “look to your own conscience more than Vatican rules”.
Jared Toth is taking this advice to heart. “What the Pope says is compelling,” said the long-time member of St. Peter’s Church. “And when I looked in my heart, I felt it was right to bang my hot co-worker. My conscience thinks my wife will understand. As long as she doesn’t find out.”
Other Catholics are not so supportive of the new stance. “The only reason I have a conscience is because of the church!” said gym teacher Lisa Olsen. “I long for the days of dogma and guilt when we could rely on religion to tell us what to do.”
Olsen’s husband Gerald agrees. “Get back to doing your job, Pope Francis. Left to my own devices, I’d be hitting up the glory hole twice a week. Now I’m confused about whether or not that’s okay.”
Although the document holds steady in continuing to reject gay marriage, it states that gays should not be discriminated against. “I guess it’s a step in the right direction,” said LGBTQ activist Merrill Alston. “It’s better than the usual declaration that we’re all going to Hell, but it still falls short of showing actual respect.”