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Religion

Frosty the Snowman canonized by Catholic Church

December 29, 2018Contributor Leave a Comment

VATICAN CITY—Frosty the Snowman is a fairy tale they say, but don’t tell that to the Roman Catholic Church. After decades of debate, the famed jolly, happy soul is not only accepted as canonical, but was officially declared divine by… Continue Reading →

Holidays, Religion, Weather

God Planning Epic April Fools’ Joke for Easter Sunday

March 30, 2018Molly Donovan Leave a Comment

WORLD—This coming Sunday, two important events will take place simultaneously: Easter and April Fools’ Day. God said he plans to honour the coincidence with a legendary joke. “When I realized that Easter Sunday would fall on April Fools’ for the… Continue Reading →

Donovan, Holidays, Religion

Help! My friends joined the Crossfit cult!

March 17, 2017Molly Donovan Leave a Comment

Photo: Anthony Topper (flickr) Dear Mooseclean’s: Lately, I feel like a number of my friends have fallen victim to a cult.  They talk obsessively about their group, use specialized language and berate themselves for missing meetings.  I fear that if… Continue Reading →

Donovan, Health, Letters, Religion

Pope’s treatise like a letter to Penthouse

April 15, 2016Molly Donovan Leave a Comment

Pope Francis has penned a church document entitled “The Joy of Love”, and devout Catholics are saying it reads like a letter to Penthouse.

Donovan, Religion, Sex

David Bowie’s follow of God puzzles religious fans

January 14, 2016Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

Photo: Rosana Prada (CC BY-2.0) Christian critics of music icon David Bowie are concerned that his end-of-life decision to follow God may not be enough to save him from eternal damnation for his sins, including his effeminate fashion sense, rumoured… Continue Reading →

Music, Panache, Religion

White Man told to ‘go back home’ in note found in mailbox

November 24, 2015Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

Photo: istolethetv (CC BY-2.0) A Caucasian man in the Gloucester subdivision of Ottawa has called police after discovering a handwritten note in his mailbox informing him that “Canada is no place for terrorists or immigrants.”

Culture, Life, Panache, Religion

Conspiracy theorists argue U.S. lied about finding Bin Laden’s bookshelf

June 3, 2015Matt Colella Leave a Comment

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Local podcast host Tom Doory is arguing that the discovery of Osama Bin Laden’s bookshelf is a blatant lie, and that the government may have covered up actually finding the bookshelf years ago.

Continue Reading →

Books, Colella, democracy, Life, Politics, Religion, World

Muslims still obviously responsible for Germanwings crash, common sense suggests

April 24, 2015Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

​Wherever disaster strikes, a guilty brown man is somewhere nearby, or so we are often led to believe. There’s no convincing some people that Muslims aren’t the root of all evil.

Continue Reading →

Crime, Interview, Panache, Pulse of the Nation, Religion

Germanwings 9525 co-pilot collected Satan Club points, authorities say

March 26, 2015Sebastian Panache Leave a Comment

After shooting down theories of terrorism, French and German authorities now say that Germanwings co-pilot Andreas Lubitz was trying to accumulate points to earn a higher standing within the Church of Satan.

Continue Reading →

Crime, Life, Panache, Religion, Travel

Extremely harsh winter caused by awkward man’s prayer for something to talk about

March 11, 2015Matt Colella Leave a Comment

A Hamilton man is claiming the extremely harsh winter is a result of his prayers for God to help him with small talk. 

Continue Reading →

Canada, Colella, Ontario, Religion, Weather

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