Despite a record effort to wipe themselves out–including a Guinness Book attempt by religious group Iglesia ni Cristo to launch more than 700,000 fireworks–the Filipino New Year death and injury toll amounted to less than half of last year’s total, officials report.

While a thousand shanties were successfully destroyed, a mere 380 people were injured. The sole casualty was a drunken man who was able to eliminate himself by lighting a “dynamite-like” firecracker decorated with the words “Goodbye Philippines” and embracing until it exploded.

Health Secretary Janet Garin blamed the disappointing numbers on rainy conditions and promised a larger cull next year.

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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