Photo: Travis Rigel Lukas Hornung, flickr.

News breaking of adult school teachers having sex with minors will cause erections for the majority of male readers, providing the perpetrator is a lady.

According to an Angus Reid poll released last week, when news surfaced of a Saskatchewan teacher who was caught having sex with three teenage boys, 71 percent of male readers admitted to forming an erection with their penis, while 13 percent said they reached semi-status. Four percent of readers surveyed said erectile dysfunction prevented them from going hard, while nine percent of responding men were gay. Only five percent of male respondents presumably lied by claiming that they were not aroused.

“It’s a dude’s version of 50 Shades of Grey,” said Mooseclean’s reader Andrew Bensen, adding his support for a double-standard. “Men who do it should have their heads cut off, but women diddlers should come to my place this weekend—I look young for my age.”

More than 20 percent of videos on and involve female teachers, albeit none of the content depicts them having sex with school-aged complainants.

While it remains legal in Canada for teachers to have sex with other teachers, they still cannot have sex with their students until after graduation.

“It’s really sad that these teens can be the age of consent (16), but still land these sexual godesses in the slammer,” Bensen said about the definition of sexual assault applying greater restrictions against those in positions of authority.

“The cops said they found his DNA on her night table,” Bensen said about the latest female-teacher-on-male-student rape. “So we have proof that this awful excuse for a teenage boy blew his load before going home and wimpering to his mom that he won’t get to lose his virginity again.”

While Bensen thinks “tattletales” should be banned from sex for life, he expressed relief in an RCMP statistic which states that less than three percent of female rapists are reported.

By Dan Walton

Between Draxel's apartment, a supervised injection site, and the free Internet here at the library, I get a lot done every week. Just today I clipped my nails and brushed my teeth. And I can run really fast even though I only eat once each day. When I lived with my parents, I would make Kool-aid, and I put a lot more sugar in the pitcher than the package called for. That was then. Now I can't even think about drinking it because I don't have sugar or a pitcher. And where am I gonna get enough water to make a whole jug of Kool-aid? Plus if I did make Kool-aid, who's gonna let me keep it in their fridge?

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