Fat, stupid escalator riders eaten by zombie inventor gone amok
Most people have never heard of Jesse Wilford Reno but too many, it seems, are habitual abusers of his most famous invention: the escalator. "I've been rolling in my grave…
Thousands of Jian Ghomeshi “jilted ex-lovers” emerge to pledge undying support
After being fired by the CBC for alleged acts of non-consensual rough sex with an ex-girlfriend, a flood of similar ex-lovers have now come out in support of the beleaguered…
Ontario Deputy Premier to fix homeless problem by mass deportation
With above-average literacy, healthcare-fortified bodies, and predominantly white skin, Canada's homeless are a booming export to America's economically decimated subprime mortgage crisis urban wastelands. Deputy Premier Deb Matthews has finally…
Torontonians surprised Rob Ford tumour not found in head
TORONTO—Ontarians were shocked this week to learn that Mayor-for-the-meantime Rob Ford was admitted to hospital with an abdominal tumour after complaining of stomach pains. "Abdomen? Really?" exclaimed Gerald Waymire of…
Canada’s Anti-Spam Law will put your children behind bars
When Canada's Anti-Spam Law ("CASL") came into effect on July 1, 2014, Canadians were dancing in the streets. Parliamentarians would have us believe that this was entirely due to the…