Therapist urges patient to cut ties with her emotionally abusive favourite sports team

Charles Marely, flickr.TORONTO—A therapist is urging 28-year-old fan Trish Kelsey to sever all ties with her favourite sports team, whose perennial losing ways have become abusive.

“You’re a strong, beautiful woman who deserves some playoff ball,” encouraged Dr. Geoff Cohne, her therapist.

“You’ll no longer have to make up excuses for the scratches and bruises on your T.V. remote.”

Her best friends have even gotten involed, arguing, “There are 29 other fish in the sea to cheer for and 30 more to cheer for in a less professional, less televised sea.”

They’ve even offered to set her up on a “blind game” but Kelsey is reportedly “uncomfortable rooting for a team without first seeing their logo.”

At press time, Kelsey’s dentist had urged her to “get rid of that dick-repelling haircut.”

(Photo credit: Charles Marley, flickr)

Matt Colella

Canadian comedy writer / comedian canady writer. Hit me up at mcolella27@gmail.com or 9055188685.

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