UK wants to “Breturn” after England falls to Iceland


Cameron: “I was right.” (Photo: Lee Davy)

LONDON—The nation that voted to stand alone on June 23 is now having doubts.  After England lost 2-1 to Iceland in the tournament of 16, many fear the UK may not be the juggernaut some proclaimed it to be.

“We felt we could go out on our own, but this loss proves we are far weaker than led to believe,” said former Brexit supporter, Iain Lumley.  “Do you think the politicians have been lying to us about other matters?”

England’s national football team was considered a strong contender at Euro 2016.  Three Lions goalkeeper Joe Hart apologized to fans after contributing to sub-par play.  “It’s become clear to me now that we need the weaker countries to make us look stronger,” said Hart.  “I can’t have the Sigthorsson goal back, but maybe the EU will take us back?”

Soon to exit Prime Minister Cameron weighed in on recent events.  “The past week has been sullied by two terrible missteps in English history.  I think it’s made us all realize how I was right.  But even if our national team had made it further in the tourney, coach Roy Hodgson still should have buggered off.  I was trying to convince a bunch of old, spoiled citizens to support the status quo while he had young, talented players to manipulate.”

Resigned coach Hodgson was in hiding at press time and could not be reached for comment.

Molly Donovan

Molly Donovan

I grew up in the USA, but don't hold that against me because I'm also Canadian. Just think of me as the mole.

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