Fall is the gate to winter’s hell
CANADA—It’s late autumn in Canada and something sinister is afoot. Temperatures are dropping and soon a new season will be upon us. “I can’t believe this is happening again!” lamented…
Trumpelstiltskin identified as Patient Zero in Creepy Clown epidemic
U.S.A.—Since August, sightings of creepy clowns or “killer clowns” have been reported across the U.S., Canada and even in the U.K. Now, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention…
Galaxy Note 7 rebrands as Yule Log
SOUTH KOREA—Samsung halted production of its beleaguered Galaxy Note 7 on Tuesday. Known as the Ford Pinto of smartphones, the Note 7 and its replacement model sometimes burst into flames.
Hairballs haunt man after failed relationship
NANAIMO, B.C.—A Roto-Rooter truck sits on the curb outside Dave Cosburn’s house. Inside, Cosburn faces a hairy situation.
Don the Con blames Clinton’s pneumonia on Mexicans
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After revealing she has pneumonia, Hillary Clinton has been forced to take some time off the campaign trail. Donald Drumpf commented on the culprit he suspects during a recent…
America wants Grace, Too
U.S.A.—After witnessing the love-in produced by the final concert of The Tragically Hip’s Man Machine Poem tour, the U.S. is looking for a band to create national unity.
IOC admits to hiring Brazil for its looks
RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL—The 2016 Rio Summer Olympics are mired in uncertainty. Concerns about pollution, crime and a lack of preparedness have plagued the Games. Now, a top IOC official…
UK wants to “Breturn” after England falls to Iceland
LONDON—The nation that voted to stand alone on June 23 is now having doubts. After England lost 2-1 to Iceland in the tournament of 16, many fear the UK may…
Conflicting soccer games turn Thursdays into Sophie’s Choice
LANGLEY, B.C.—Every Thursday night, Janice Sparrow must make a harrowing decision. Does she head north and support the Sunshine Superstars? Or turn east and cheer for the Abby Alligators? “Why…
“Kevin Vickers” becomes verb used by would-be heroes
CANADA—Kevin Vickers, the man credited with stopping the Parliament Hill shooter in October 2014, has inspired a movement. After Vickers dispatched a peaceful protestor in Ireland last week, people started…