Critics doubt Rob Ford’s confession he smoked crack

TORONTO—Hot on the heels of his admission that he used crack cocaine, critics of beleaguered Mayor Rob Ford are already expressing skepticism.

“I think he’s played us all for a sucker,” said Cam Watson. “He’s ridden this gigantic wave of popularity and global recognition, and now the hype might be finally coming to an end. He’s purposely dropping another bombshell to keep his face in the public eye.”

“Liars gotta lie,” added Clint Hill. “Tell us another one, Rob.”

“He knows there’s no way we can prove it wasn’t tobacco. Surrendering when he’s won is his way of staying relevant,” Clarissa Schmidt agreed. “Now that the ‘crack fiend’ story has run its course, he’ll play the ‘recovering addict’ sympathy card all the way to the next election.”

Others were more sympathetic.

“Whatever he’s said and done, he’s kept the word processors crunching and the presses running. He’s made politics interesting. He’s given even the stupidest and fattest amongst us someone they can look down on and feel superior to. It’s no mean feat,” remarked Denise Luder. “No, of course I don’t believe him, but I do believe in him.”

Sebastian Panache

Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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