Litterasee is on deekline, expurtz say

Abuv: Ekstatick gradyooits just momints beefor injeree wen the hats they throo sudinnlee fell bak down on there heds herting them with there sharp pointee edguz. Polees at the seen r stil trying to pees toogethur wat went wrong, and how fyoochur tragedees like this cud be avoydid.

ODDAWA—Akording 2 a survay conduckted by the Ontaireeoh Ministree uv Edyookayshun, Ingglish litter a see among collige gradyooits has deeklined dramaticklee in the past 10 yeers. Onlee 31 per sent uv collige gradyooits 2day R profishunt in Ingglish litterasee, cumpaired with 40 per sent just a decayde ago. Theez findingz wur cunfirmd bi a fedurrull stuhdee conduckted by the Nashunul Sentur for Edyookayshun Stuhtissticks.

Litterasee expurts and edyoukayturz say thay R surprised by the results, and cuncerned beecuz the daytuh cums with no obveeus explanashun.

“Its uhppolling — its reelee asstownding,” sed Mikul Gormun, prezident uv the Canadeean Liebraree Assoseeashun and a liebraireeun at the Universitee uv Man Itobah in Win a pig.

“Wuts dissturrbing iz that the ahsessmunt is not desined 2 test ur undur standing of Proost, butt 2 test ur abillitee 2 read laybulls,” sed Mark Shnyedur, commishunur of edyookayshun stuhtissticks.

The findingz meerur thoz fownd by US studeez.  Growvur Jay Witehurst, the duhrecktor uv the US Duhpartmint uv Edyookayshun Institoot ruhsponsubul for over seeing the Nashunul Ahsessmunt uv Uhdult Litter a see, sed that he beeleevs that litteraseee is deekling ing as a reezult uv the inkrees in tell a vizshun  TV vyouing and surfing the Internet.

Jonathin Millur, chair man and cheef eggsecutiv offisur of AOL sed the akusashuns wur nonsens.

“AOL putz peeople in tuch, alowwing them 2 typ 2 eech uther in reel time veeuh AOL instunt messungur. Wee promoat litter a see through actyv cumyooincayshun.”

Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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