Photo: Asclepias, via Wikimedia Commons [CC-BY-SA-3.0]

OTTAWA—In what was subsequently labelled “engaging young voters,” leader of the federal NDP Tom Muclair was photographed last night at a park congregated by teenagers, drinking out of several different glass bottles and a paper bag — the contents of which were presumably alcohol.

After receiving reports of underage drinking near Sussex Drive, the Ottawa Police detachment was called to the park to end the party near 11:20pm. Upon their arrival, Mulcair “booked it,” said 17-year-old Olivia Miller, adding that the opposition leader had game, but blew his chances after bringing up politics.

While his office has not yet returned any calls to Mooseclean’s, a press release was issued earlier today which partially addressed his attendance at the outdoor party for minors.

“By attending both formal and informal gatherings of young Canadians, Thomas Mulcair is engaging ripe and soon-to-be-voters during the most vulnerable time of their lives when they neglect voting, and also putting the priorities of all Canadians and their families first,” reads the document. “No member of the New Democratic Party drinks alcohol underage, and never has there been an instance in which children and the NDP were drinking together.”

Mooseclean’s reporters spotted Mulcair as he arrived at the House of Commons this morning. While taking a full five minutes to walk 30 metres from his car to the building’s entrance, Mulcair vomited twice, eventually showing up to work an hour and twenty minutes late.

Although it was a tough morning for Mulcair, his strategy appears to have been effective. Stacey Brookson, who claims to have flashed the NDP leader last night, and also claims to be at least 18, said that he explained his party’s platform to lower tuition and save baby seals, convincing Olivia to vote NDP in the next election.

“At first I thought Tommy was totally flirting with me, until I saw how into Brooke [MaGee] he was,” Stacey said. “He got so comfortable after talking so much politics with Brooke that he even brought up the NDP’s stance on abortion — and lucky for Tommy, Brooke is so pro-life.”

Mulcair’s next scheduled party will take place at the Archerwill Hall at the end of the month as a fundraiser for cancer and AIDS, but both Olivia and Stacey heard he might make an appearance at Caleb’s open house next weekend when his parents will be at the cottage.

By Dan Walton

Between Draxel's apartment, a supervised injection site, and the free Internet here at the library, I get a lot done every week. Just today I clipped my nails and brushed my teeth. And I can run really fast even though I only eat once each day. When I lived with my parents, I would make Kool-aid, and I put a lot more sugar in the pitcher than the package called for. That was then. Now I can't even think about drinking it because I don't have sugar or a pitcher. And where am I gonna get enough water to make a whole jug of Kool-aid? Plus if I did make Kool-aid, who's gonna let me keep it in their fridge?

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