OTTAWA—Critics have long complained that while corporations have been prohibited from donating to political parties since 2004, this has not prevented them from making substantial personal donations in the names of their employees.

In a new initiative to address this loophole—and not just some cheap stunt to bolster his sagging approval ratings—Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced a radical change to political dress code.

“I want to change the way Canadians look at politicians,” he said. “To that end, I’ve begun work on a new dress code policy: one that will make it absolutely clear where our loyalties lie.”

Two aides then flanked the Prime Minister and appeared to tear off his suit—which had been modified with Velcro—displaying a rather striking jumpsuit hidden underneath. Similar to the outfits worn by professional race car drivers, it was emblazoned with crests to make the wearer’s corporate sponsorship immediately identifiable.

While the Prime Minister’s jumpsuit was sewn with logos for Bombardier, Asper and SNC Lavalin, he cautioned that his outfit was “for display purposes only and should not be misconstrued as representing any actual endorsement.”

In the question and answer period that followed, some were understandably concerned about compliance and verification measures for the program, and some asked about the timeline before roll-out, but most seemed unusually fixated on the outfit’s remarkable slimming and tummy control features.

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. Follow him on Twitter @SebPanache. Or don’t. It’s okay, really.

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