Health Canada issues weather warning

As summer temperatures give way to cooler temperatures, Health Canada is once again warning Canadians that a sudden shift from bitching about the heat and humidity, to bitching about the fucking cold can cause unexpected health complications.

“It is an excellent time to begin limbering up—getting our body and mind ready to complain about the cold,” explains Jocelyn Menard, Health Canada’s Director General of Workplace and Environmental Health. Just as spring is an opportunity to start thinking about unique heat-related complaints and analogies, fall provides a time to contemplate cold-related gripes.

Health Canada suggests using the Thanksgiving weekend as the demarcation point after which, weather-related complaints should be exclusively cold-related. “We find people tend to use the start and end of Daylight Savings as cut-offs. This works in the spring, but November is far too late to begin complaining about the cold. Not to mention, it confuses the heck out of folks in Saskatchewan,” Menard says with a light chuckle.

Delayed Seasonal Bitching Disorder (DSBD) is no laughing matter, however. While the negative effects of DSDB aren’t unique to Canada, our approach to the disorder differs from other nations. Menard notes, “Canadians feel they are well-adapted to the weather, and can adjust their bitching on a moment’s notice, but the data tells a different story.” The World Health Organization estimates more than 1,500 Canadians were hospitalized in 2011 due to DSBD-related complications—this is the highest per capita rate of DSBD-related hospitalization in the world.

By contrast, Norway had only 2 reported cases in 2011. Their secret is extensive education programs, combined with mandatory “klager sesjoner” (bitching drills) daily from September to December and March to May. Schoolchildren are taught the importance of complaining and practice throughout the school year. This early introduction has proven key to making the klager sesjoner an integral part of the Norwegian daily routine.

“Current attitudes in Canada wouldn’t support such a dramatic public policy shift, but we believe with education, Canadians will embrace the Norwegian model. The benefits are clear and substantive.”

SaskaDude

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