Timbits soccer approaches World Cup status
TORONTO—Given the wild cheering and general mayhem occurring on soccer fields across the city, you’d think the World Cup had come to Toronto. But it hasn’t. It’s just groups of…
Letters to the editor: I’m not really here
Recently, I came to the realization that I don't exist; I haven't for years. And when I say years, I do in fact mean infinity, it's just that I'm lazy,…
Conservative MPP clarifies statements regarding “ethnic cleansing”
Conservative MPP Robert McGuire held a press conference yesterday, after comments he made to a reporter on live television resulted in public outrage. McGuire, MPP for Haldimand-Norfolk in Southern Ontario,…
Iron Maiden to close Ottawa Jazzfest
OTTAWA—Tearing a page from the book of Ottawa Bluesfest festival director Mark Monahan, the organizers of Jazzfest have made a last-minute announcement that geriatric heavy metal act Iron Maiden will…
“Crazy Town” Circus returns to Toronto
It’s not often that the same circus comes to town more than once a year, but this one is an exception. Crazy Town1 circus left Toronto briefly in early May…
Breathing increases risk of cancer, study finds
Tuktoyaktuk, NWT—You quit smoking, cut back on drinking, started exercising regularly, and bought organic products. Good for you. . .but sadly, not good enough. You're still utterly screwed, according to…
Summer already booked solid
After such a long, harsh winter, Canadians across the country are welcoming summer with open arms. Just one week into June, every damn weekend has been booked. “I don’t know…
Letters to the editor: Compulsion in religion
I've heard it said by people that "there is no compulsion in religion". What exactly does that mean? I wish someone would explain it to my family, because ever since…
Couple’s dream of crippling debt comes true
TORONTO—Peter Juxton and Amanda Roberts sit nervously holding hands in the backseat of a black BMW 320i. Lining the street are five similar cars with five similar couples. Then comes…
Canada’s strong tradition of #ForeignPolicy
While American citizens are mocking the #BringBackOurGirls and #UnitedForUkraine campaigns it's important to note Canada's strong tradition of hashtag foreign policy. During the onset of the Second World War, both…