Canada’s Anti-Spam Law will put your children behind bars

When Canada’s Anti-Spam Law (“CASL”) came into effect on July 1, 2014, Canadians were dancing in the streets. Parliamentarians would have us believe that this was entirely due to the exhilaration of promised freedom from advertising for discount Viagra and Cialis; you, I and the family dog know that it obviously had more to do with the previously scheduled Canada Day celebrations.

CASL, it was said, would deliver us from unwanted advertising. But really—who’s to say what’s unwanted? Perhaps you really want to know the The Dirty Truth on Penis Enlargement—but are afraid to ask. Maybe you’d lose sleep at night wondering how to Burn Belly Fat with One Weird Tip. I know I do.

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Study confirms escalators habitually out of commission

OTTAWA—In public spaces across the country, moving stairs remain stubbornly immobile.  Unaware pedestrians approach these jagged-toothed people movers and stop short. The public seems to forget how to navigate these beasts like normal stairs and hold up traffic, trip or assume they only work in one direction.

Now Sid Arnold, head repairman at Humboldt Elevator and Escalator in Toronto, has confirmed what we’ve suspected all along: escalators only work 10% of the time. “Yeah, it’s a total scam,” said Arnold.  “They’re built to run for three, maybe four days, before they need servicing.” 

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Teen discovers library more than urban legend

LIKED: Noémi Dagenais “shares” how pictures and text were published in ancient times, in an analog, local area networked, non-user editable format. The teens were delighted to discover that comments could still be written in the margins.
Photo credit: MCL 
MONTREAL—Local teen Remy Watt was surprised to learn this week that public libraries actually exist.  “I heard my parents mention them once or twice and the librarian at school said something about the branches downtown,” Watt said with a shrug, “but I thought they were just playing.”

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“We should refocus on creating Artificial Stupidity” says U of T scientist

Gianni Lucifero, a top scientist at the University of Toronto, has written a paper claiming that the way to successfully reproduce human consciousness is by creating what he calls “artificial stupidity,” rather than the conventional approach of artificial intelligence (AI).

AI researchers have been trying to reproduce human consciousness for years, but the goal has not yet been reached to anyone’s satisfaction. Lucifero believes this is because of a fundamental misunderstanding about the nature of consciousness.

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Developer proclaims Hello Dolly ‘herpes for WordPress’

Like most people that host a WordPress blog, web developer Bryant Knight is excited when a new version comes out. New features, new look, but one distressing side effect: the return of the dreaded ‘Hello Dolly’ plugin.

“The first time I tried it out, I thought it was cute,” Knight recalls. “It doesn’t do much. It prints a lyric from the song ‘Hello, Dolly’ in the upper right corner of the admin screen on every page. That’s it.”

But the novelty wears off quickly, and while the plugin is easily deleted it’s impossible to prevent it from returning. When WordPress updates, Dolly comes back.

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Ontario man hacks vehicle computer to pass emissions test

When his 2007 Corolla failed to pass Ontario’s “new and improved” Drive Clean program, Thomas Callaghan was aghast.

“I just can’t believe it,” he told Mooseclean’s. “Two years ago the exhaust fumes for his car were negligible. Now it’s failing just because the on-board computer says there’s something wrong. News to me. The check engine light has been on for 3 years now and the mechanics can’t make it turn off because there’s nothing to fix.”

As a computer repair technician, Callaghan wondered if there was something he could do.

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