TORONTO—Yes, Rob loves the ladies! But just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, multiple sources are now alleging that Mayor Rob Ford routinely enjoyed the company of prostitutes in his chambers.

Given Ford’s firm contention that he didn’t lie about the existence of the infamous crack video, but was simply too intoxicated to know he was being recorded, Toronto is now in widespread panic over what other Mayoral escapades may have been caught on video. City residents were only too willing to share their concerns with Mooseclean’s:

“There are things you should never see—things that can never be unseen. FordPorn is one of them,” said Marjorie MacIntyre.

“Like Toronto hasn’t already been permanently scarred,” added Richard Villanueva. “Can cities get PTSD?

“I like my porn a bit on the edge,” Frank Holter admitted. “But this is way, way, way past the fringe of erotica.”

“If such a video really exists, it’s arguably one of the most graphically effective short documentaries about the true hazards of the sex trade in the entire history of film,” suggested Abigail G. Seward, Professor of Sexuality Studies at York University.

“Professor Seward’s remarks are interesting, through I’d argue it would be better classified as a horror film,” concluded Erin Taylor, Associate Professor of Film Studies at the University of Toronto.

Mooseclean’s is spearheading a fundraising campaign to try to ensure that innocent lives are spared from witnessing this travesty of sexuality. Please give generously.

By Sebastian Panache

Editor-in-Chief. You can follow him on Twitter @SebPanache, except he quit posting there after Elon bought it. Search for Mooseclean's on Mastodon instead.

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