Gay Army to protect Ukraine
KIEV—After the citizens of Crimea voted to secede, other parts of Ukraine are concerned. Will Vladimir Putin use the vote as an excuse to annex the rest of the country?…
Groomers discriminate – overcharge tripawds, woman complains
LOCAL—Carmen Ferris' Golden Retriever Sally is, by all accounts, the biggest sweetums you'll ever meet. At age 12-and-a-half she's the perfect pet, complete in every way – except that she…
Police make drug bust while searching for pedophile
OAKVILLE—A search for a black SUV connected with a ring of pedophiles believed to be operating in the Oakville area resulted in an unrelated drug bust early Wednesday morning. Sgt.…
Letters to the editor: Stupid, free newspapers begone!
Every day on the bus ride to work I disembark at Metcalfe Station, where every day fat, unshaven men in garish, corporate vests try to make me read their free…
Developer proclaims Hello Dolly ‘herpes for WordPress’
Like most people that host a WordPress blog, web developer Bryant Knight is excited when a new version comes out. New features, new look, but one distressing side effect: the…
Spring has sprung!
CANADA—Today is the first official day of spring. So whether you’re sitting on a sunny patio or digging out of three feet of snow, it’s time to welcome the change…
Experts worry Kevin O’Leary may have brain damage
Experts fear millionaire businessman and Dragon’s Den investor Kevin O’Leary may be suffering from brain damage, after he told the audience of CBC’s “The Lang and O’Leary Exchange” that he…
NOPE-A! Greek olive oil threatened
ATHENS—In an effort to streamline Greece’s crippled economy, a government-funded study has recommended some fundamental changes to the country’s food production. A particularly slippery suggestion: blending sacred Greek olive oil…