OAKVILLE—A search for a black SUV connected with a ring of pedophiles believed to be operating in the Oakville area resulted in an unrelated drug bust early Wednesday morning.
Sgt. Jeff Mackelmoreal was out searching for a black SUV believed to be connected with the pedophile ring when he saw a suspicious young man with a backpack and dreadlocks walking down the street in an especially “relaxed and care-free manner”. Sgt. Mackelmoreal immediately pulled over and searched the man, discovering that he was in possession of cannabis and drug paraphernalia. He then called for back-up and arrested 22 year old Jacob Garbonzo.
“The kid was sharp, he knew the law well. He tried to argue at first. Fortunately under Harper’s new Crime Bill, I’m allowed to search anyone I suspect of being a terrorist at anytime I want, and I suspected he may have been a terrorist. In a way, he is.” said Mackelmoreal.
Police say Garbonzo was in possession of 4 grams of cannabis as well as a pipe, rolling papers and a copy of Sublime’s iconic 1992 album “40oz to Freedom”.
“He was stoned and on his way to a public theatre to watch Robocop. Clearly the worst kind of scum in our society” added Sgt Mackelmoreal.
The Police say they are being swarmed with complaints today after prioritizing the drug offence over the search for the black SUV, the driver of which had attempted to lure a child into it earlier that morning.
Sgt Mackelmoreal is refusing to apologize however, standing firmly by his decision. “Sometimes people try and tell me that pedophiles are worse than people who smoke dope. But the way I see it is, look at the law. Pot smokers get more jail time than sex offenders. Obviously one is worse than the other” he said.
The black SUV was not found, but police say it is an open investigation and warn parents to be cautious if they see anyone with a black SUV attempting to lure their child inside it.
Photo: Alex Van Hamme