Patrick Brown is our Ex, and Ontario is Us
OTTAWA—“It’s not you, it’s me.” With those words, Patrick Brown broke up with Ontario AGAIN. Brown stepped down as Ontario PC Party leader January 24 after CTV reported that two…
God Improves Record to 52-0 with Latest Super Bowl Win
Logan Stevenson. Jesus Pass. 1972. Oil on canvas. MINNEAPOLIS—The Philadelphia Eagles beat the New England Patriots 41-33 in Super Bowl 52 on Sunday. With the win, God keeps his perfect…
Loblaws Apologizes for Price-Fixing with Bait-and-Switch
TORONTO—After conceding to their participation in a bread price-fixing scheme, Loblaws has risen to the occasion and is offering customers a twenty-five dollar gift card as a gesture of goodwill.…
Carolers Accuse “Baby it’s Cold Outside” of Sexual Misconduct
TORONTO—A group of carolers is accusing the classic holiday song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” of sexual misconduct. Inspired by the #MeToo movement, the singers say the time has come to…
Ross Petty Presents My Contorted Christmas Face
TORONTO—Everybody’s favourite Christmas ham, Ross Petty, has returned with his latest holiday send-up. This year promises to be one to remember with a roster of hapless actors and cross-dressing facial…
Transit’s #thisiswhere Unintentionally Useful
TORONTO—In September, the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) launched an awareness campaign to combat all forms of harassment on transit property. Over the last month, use of the #thisiswhere has skyrocketed.…
Scotiabank Giller Prize Announcement Excites Several
TORONTO—The 2017 Scotiabank Giller Prize finalists were announced October 2 to a crowd of 15 gathered outside CBC headquarters. The group included 10 journalists, four tourists and a homeless man.…
Cheeto-in-Chief and Kim Jong-un Argue Over Remaining Horsemen of the Apocalypse
WORLD—After taunting each other publicly over North Korean missile tests, world leaders Donald Drumpf and Kim Jong-un have a new beef. They can’t agree who should sit astride the third…
North Korean Officials Narrowly Avoid Tantrum with Nuclear Test
NORTH KOREA—Over the weekend, North Korea reported the successful testing of a hydrogen bomb and the equally successful avoidance of a Kin Jong-un super tantrum. “The Young General,” said a…
Don’t Tear Down That Civil War Statue – Repurpose it!
USA—Confederate monuments in the U.S. have become a hot button issue for “many sides”, as President Donald Trump would say. Some citizens see them as racist reminders of a shameful…