Are LCBO employees too drunk to tweet?
TORONTO—After announcing a record breaking 4.9 billion dollar profit in alcohol sales, the Liquor Control Board of Ontario is at a bit of a loss to explain the rather underwhelming…
Toronto woman charged with throwing drink at Mayor, missing
TORONTO—Yes, here's yet another chapter in the sordid life of Rob Ford, which apparently you never tire of hearing about given the enormous number of reads and clickthroughs we recieve…
Radio-Canada is ‘here’ but still Radio-Canada, CBC says
OTTAWA—It seems that Radio-Canada is here to stay. Last week's statement by executive vice-president Louis Lalande that claimed "From now on we're just 'here', at least for now" has been…
Radio-Canada is still here. Somewhere.
OTTAWA—Radio-Canada, the French-language service for television and radio, has finally made it completely unclear who they are and where they are broadcasting from. In recent decades the federally-funded network has…
Tim Hortons unveils price tier plan for smoking near its restaurants
OAKVILLE, Ontario—Today, in reaction to a policy change by Starbucks prohibiting smokers from lighting up within 8 metres of any of their 7,000 North American locations, Tim Hortons announced a…
Ottawa Bluesfest to feature blues artists
OTTAWA—Sad news today for Ottawans hoping to chow down on Jimmy Eat World or get their Dixie Chicks fix at this year's Ottawa Bluesfest. Festival director Mark Monahan has revealed…
Canada’s city mayors support Ford
TORONTO—"Everything is going fine," Rob Ford has said. "I'm keeping taxes low. I've saved a billion dollars. I've been keeping crack off Toronto streets nearly single-handedly. Things are great." But…
Rob Ford just trying to keep drugs off the street
TORONTO—In an unprecedented turn of events today regarding the alleged Rob Ford crack video, the Toronto Mayor revealed it's all true, stating that he was just doing his civic duty…
Local man still only on Season 2 of Arrested Development
TORONTO—Darren Grant of Scarborough, Ontario is having a hard time relating to his peers as he is not fully caught up on the new season of Arrested Development released this…
Rob Ford’s dog resigns citing violence, substance abuse, infidelity
TORONTO—The chips just keep falling for Toronto's beleaguered mayor: nacho chips, casino chips, and now animal microchips. Word came late last night that Ford's beloved mongrel Dorf had run away…